August 2011
2 posts
2 tags
“nobody likes a limp dick”
“I’m on my period… so what? my ear’s open”
July 2011
5 posts
3 tags
“I want my own personal midget friend. I want someone to carry me.”
“butt fucking came out of nowhere… it always does.”
4 tags
“tighten these boobies. tighten this skin. pick up this ass from the floor.”
3 tags
“the only reason I want to grow my hair long is so I can whip people when I get...”
“if I’m going to die, I don’t want to go to Niagara Falls. I want to...”
June 2011
1 post
“I would love to be thrown into a pool of Asian”
May 2011
17 posts
3 tags
“that’s a nice wallet… listen to that velcro”
“if I was a guy I would be raping people”
2 tags
“how do we become winners? I’m going to google it when I get home”
“you’re on a cruise… watch out for the tsunami!”
3 tags
me: how is he ethnic?
her: he's part animal
3 tags
“you didn’t let me finish… you NEVER let me finish. that’s what...”
4 tags
“what are you learning in Geography? have you found China?”
– to a 10-year-old
4 tags
“shove a carrot up her ass, maybe she’ll enjoy it then”
2 tags
“he was having a hard time keeping his head up and you know… he has a big...”
“I loved you the minute you said anal”
“he needs to take a dildo up his ass. he needs to relax”
“I like it when you walk like Hitler”
2 tags
“is Jenga what the Amish play?”
4 tags
“time flies when you’re stalking people on Craigslist”
4 tags
“I wanna be a veggie head again, but I love me a weiner”
5 tags
“you know what they say about small hands… small weiners and tight butt...”
So...
I have this friend. she’s amazing and I love her, but some things she says don’t quite sound right… in fact sometimes they’re just downright hilarious. Awhile ago I started writing these things in a notebook that I carry with me, but it seems like time to branch out and share this humor :D